Optimization Function for Life

Optimize Fn(Sattva) Subject to (Tamas, Rajas);

2 States : Movie Review

What can you expect from a movie which is based on Chetan Bhagat's Novel.
The lady doesn't look an inch South Indian and the guy doesn't look like Punjabi and both of them have absolutely nothing to do with IIMs
Guy (inappropriate to refer to this person as Hero) walks in Girls' hostel freely and stays up overnight cozying up almost always.. Quite possible considering Dharma Production.

Then comes the Hindi Cinema oldest stereotypical sequence :
1. We are Punjabi  -- We are having "bada dil" -- We have garam khoon -- We drink heavily and we eat a lot of non veg and we are the loudest specie available on earth and possibly elsewhere.

2. Oh we are Tamilians and not South Indians -- We are well cultured because we wear well ironed white clothes --- We don't eat non veg --- We think it is papam to drink and so on..

After the stereotypes and few misplaced songs where the fellow looks straight out of the Weight Loss Program and struggles to dance and for that matter even move with little grace, the movie ends abruptly leaving you in a State of utter Confusion.

Thank God watched in Mangala.

Cordial Invitations to Auspicious Occasions

I've always hated being in bcc list of "supposedly" Friends who "Send to All" messages "To cordially invite you to their weddings"

Sometimes people also refer to their own weddings as Auspicious Occasion. 

Common! Who are you? God!!!!

Never forget the "Please treat this email as Personal Invitation!" . 

How Can I ? when I am in the bcc list.

Also why cant you write a simple email and not attach a Clumsy Megabyte (most likely to retain as much Color as possible) Scan (inverted to 360 degree) of Page 1 and Page 2 of your Wedding Card.

I almost always end up marking these messages to Spam List and these guys to Crazy List.

Two reasons come to my mind why this happens with me:
1) I am unpopular.
2) On closer inspection it is reason 1 only with some variation of words.

I think it should be as simple as this:

If you want someone to come join you in your wedding or for that matter any occasion  be it celebrating your own craziness, simply pick up your phone and call.

If you don’t want someone to come, don’t call.

Get real. No one is going to put you in prison, if you don’t invite people whom you don’t know well enough to invite!

But we live in the world of hypocrisy where I don’t want to invite the office colleagues actually but I also want to invite them on email so they get the messages that they are invited but aren't invited actually!

However the lowest point was hit recently when a friend Invited me (just) to join his Wedding page on Facebook to grace (his Facebook page?) with my Blessings (Commmmonnn the trillionth time!)

Now that is real lavishness. Thanks Retard and you know what Fuck you!!

Lessons Learnt

35 Lessons Learned in 35 Years from David Crandall

Un(Fair) and Lowly

Dedicated to all my Doctor friends. Oh I wish youd have seen this add before putting in years in studies. Not (Fair) Whatso(ever) !!

Dogs and Cats and Gods and Human

“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.”

Arguments

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twain

Regrets

One of the biggest regrets of my life :

Wearing white Shirt in Carbon Black P l ant

You know you have been in Consulting long enough when

You know you have been in Consulting long enough when :

• You start believing you don't have actual problems in your life; rather "gaps" and "improvement opportunities"

• Hotel staff seems friendlier to you than your actual friends

• When customer tells you that your rates are too high, you kind of blush, look away and then start talking of best pricing, core competency, etc

• When you look at your phone book more than 80% names are of those whom you don't even know

• While at Home, at times you get up in nights and try calling room service

• You almost always refer to Hotel as Home

• You get the best sleep in flights and trains

• While travelling, you find it easier to strike conversations with tough looking oldies rather than with girls of your age

• When you are about to travel onsite, you cleanup your room and tell your flat mates that you are checking out

- Ketan Waghmare

Note : This is one of those rarest articles wherein I have refrained myself from indulging in any sort of plagiarism what(so)ever !!

Shepherd and Consultant

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business...... Now give me back my dog."

Truth and dare I say lie

One day you will realize that you are a habitual liar.

On that very day, you will not move from falsehood to truth, rather you will move from lower truth to higher truth.

- Ketan

Movie Review : Ek Main Aur Ek Tu

Take 500 Days of Summer, put some What happened in Vegas , take kareena from Jab We Met and Imran from Jane tu .., remove all reality check riders and you get "Ek main aur Ek Tu" . Bah!!!

Book Review

Book Review: The 5 people you meet in Heaven :

It is one of the 5 books they give you to read if you land up in hell.

Phases of a Project

1 -- Exultation

2 -- Disenchantment

3 -- Search for the Guilty

4 -- Punishment of the Innocent

5 -- Praise for the Uninvolved

I don't believe

I don't believe in superstars,

Organic food and foreign cars.

I don't believe the price of gold;

The certainty of growing old.

That right is right and left is wrong,

That north and south can't get along.

That east is east and west is west.

And being first is always best.

But I believe in love.

I believe in babies.

I believe in Mom and Dad.

And I believe in you.

Well, I don't believe that heaven waits,

For only those who congregate.

I like to think of God as love:

He's down below, He's up above.

He's watching people everywhere.

He knows who does and doesn't care.

And I'm an ordinary man,

Sometimes I wonder who I am.

But I believe in love.

I believe in music.

I believe in magic.

And I believe in you.

I know with all my certainty,

What's going on with you and me,

Is a good thing.

It's true, I believe in you.

I don't believe virginity,

Is as common as it used to be.

In working days and sleeping nights,

That black is black and white is white.

That Superman and Robin Hood,

Are still alive in Hollywood.

That gasoline's in short supply,

The rising cost of getting by.

But I believe in love.

I believe in old folks.

I believe in children.

I believe in you.

I believe in love.

I believe in babies.

I believe in Mom and Dad.

And I believe in you.

-Don Williams

Too much love

Too much coffee, too much tea,

Too much sugar isn't good for me.

Too much money and too much fame,

Too much liquer drives a man insane.

But too much love, too much love,

There's no such thing as gettin' too much love

OOhh love, Oohh love,

There's no such thing as gettin' too much love.

Too much fighting and misery,

there's too much trouble in this world for me.

There's too much of this and too much of that

and too much of anything will make you fat.

But too much love, too much love,

there's no such thing as gettin' too much love.

Too many people saying don't do that,

It's a no, no, no, no, no.

I don't need telling where it's at

I said I know, know, know, know, know, know.

Too much pleasure and too much pain,

Somewhere someone's getting too much rain

And too much junk's being advertised

And too much television hurts your eyes.

But too much love, too much love,

There's no such thing as gettin' too much love

Oohh love, Oohh love,

There's no such thing as gettin' too much love.

La la la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la

La la la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la...

Weird..

“You get lonely, is what it is. A person's not supposed to go through life with absolutely nobody. It's not normal. The longer you go by yourself the weirder you get, and the weirder you get the longer you go by yourself. It's a loop and you gotta do something to get out of it.”

― Jim Shepard

The right wrong

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

― Galway Kinnell

Comparing apples to oranges..

I have met countless Sr. Management Executives who have limited understanding of how things work in the real world; are always accompanied by there most loyal wing'text' to any of the meetings

" .. that's like comparing apples to oranges"

What surprises me is not the ignorance however the sheer fact that they can almost always get away with this stupid statement, fat ass and a dumb pretense that they prefer to take the higher level path.

So next time if you find yourself absolutely clueless in any meeting, make some jaw exercise and say ".. that's like comparing apples to oranges"

Some potato sitting atop might find your suggestion 'fruit'ful.

Bah !!

I was wondering if i wonder about the things others wonder.

If lying is an art, why people continue to be amateur after years of practice ..

Saturday evening

Its a sat. evening and I am planning to meet some friends.

The plan is a Production plan and not a Fixed Schedule .

I am very well aware that by 7 o clock all my wishes to meet the guys who are put up at Navi Mumbai would disappear.

They will sulk I will give a obscure reason so obscure that it will kill the conversation.

I will not travel cos it puts you in a hurry to reach somewhere.

even without you knowing you start to multitask and are upto some sort of speed living.

Some internet service providers are trying to force a concept of speed living projecting it as a cool thing amongst new generation.

Let me tell not only the idea is highly uncool, the internet speed is damn slow too.

I will prefer solitude today as I had a rough week already.

will watch the rain and would not travel anywhere.

will watch it alone all along.

no hurry.

will get some tea,

play on some music.

read my favorite book.

They may sulk. I will smile.

That beautiful lady ...

Happen to visit Borivali market today evening.Its very hot and humid here in Mumbai and the crowd was making it more and more unbearable to stick around in the market.

As I went with my family members who were busy shopping I had to stay there.

So went to the masala papad shop. The papad there is awesome and there is hell lot of people out there whose, it seems only reason for survival is getting the papad as if it is some form on Amrut which will make you live till eternity.

As I was also a part of them, I tried my level best to get it as soon as possible. One of the things I love and hate about Mumbai is the sense of urgency and the absolute unbothered attitude towards fellow pupil.

As I was making (read: marching ) my way ahead towards the Papad wala who thought he is more important than Obama, I saw a lady whose body was covered with blisters all around.

I moved back a bit and many a ladies sulked went 1 metre away and then ate there respective papads.

She also tried to gain forced entry in the crowd and I was wondering what she is carrying on her body should nt get spread amongst the public for the sight was nt good.

I then saw a small girl who was constantly looking at her. The lady struggled a bit. The girl tried to approach the lady but cudnt. Finally managed to get the priced papad. The small girl seemed so happy as the lady moved towards her. She sat with the kid girl. They shared it in absolute joy without bothering about anyone around. By now I have realised they were mother daughter. All my apprehensions disappeared as I experienced a peaceful feeling looking at the unconditional love between that beautiful mother and her blessed daughter.

My Indecision is Final!

Its been quite some time i haven't written anything so i thought i must write something today.

Anyways no one visits here so actually it doesn't matter much.

if u are the insane guy reading this i presume u have absolutely nothing left to do with ur life.

n if you are smiling the answer is "yes" u too believe that's true.

n if you are cursing me for my over smart attitude then too the answer is "yes" and you don't believe it.

Some times back i was thinking i should link this blog to the linkedin account where iam surprisingly active. :)

Then a senior in the office (who doesn't blogs and takes hours to write a small mail!!) told me Link(ed)ing your personal (life, opinion, etc) to the Professional Networking Site isn't a sign of a mature professional guy and may turn off some opportunities.

So i simply did the way he said giving respect to his balding head with some space covered in white hair.

the thought kept popping in my head some times but i was just putting it away.

You wont believe i thought about it for real long time say 2-3 months.

That s one of the aspects of my personality - Indecision :)

In college, I wore a Shirt which said" My Indecision is Final!" and found it very cool.

I never wanted to throw that off even after ages of it becoming reluctant to fit my body.

However once my mom took a Decision and threw it off.

Then today i had a divine realization 'anyways i am not a mature guy actually'

and linked it to the linkedIn.

So for the sake of the guy in the office i am attaching a disclaimer

"Anyone trying to judge my personality from this writing will be prosecuted and punished according to Section 999 of Indian penal code"

Cheerio

Ketan

Dude ..did you say Intelligent Risk taking

Yesterday i had a lousy meeting where some management trainee kept on talkin endlessly about a product he has never worked with but he manged to get some "material" about the same from some of his "contacts in the industry"

His boss, in a bid to show the fucntional skills of this trainee guy kept on asking quesstions like what is the full form of WIP etc.

I doubt they have planned the questions or perhaps his boss was trying not to sleep too ..

I was supposed to be part of the discussion but i was too tired of trying to find the relevance in his talk.

So i decided to let go off what he is talkin and closed my eyes in a thoughful mode and slowly my mind started swinging in my own world.

Though i wanted to think of Seal fish for some strange reasons words like market leaders , most amazing product in his entire life / etc kept on coming to my ears and tried disturbing me.

All i was thinking is Seal fish is th leader in the Sea or wherever it is found.

Suddenly the chap said if you are taking risk it must be "intelligent risk taking"

and vrooom Seal fish went deep in the sea and i wondered what is intelligent risk taking ..

this is one of the classics u hear from the half baked management graduates who thinks nothing is tangible , everything is interrelated and there is no black and white in life ( i am not a management guy now, even if i become one, i ll continue to do do management people thrashing :) )

I resfectfully disagree in this regard

Risk is something which you take based on your instincts which has nothing to do with intellignece whatsoever...

high risk must be associated with high gains however there is nothing like intelligent risk...

this phrase must be coined by some silly non active / non risk taker who wanted to sound adventerous at the same time intellectual ...

Suddenly the management trainee s lecture was over and he stood in pride with a fake smile asking us for our Business cards.

Thankfully i dint had mine and my boss didnt want to give his.

So we shook hands and walked away..

Relax .. Sit Back .. Enjoy !!

Hi this is my first blog

As the name suggests my mind isnt empty at all

However i am trying to make some space in it.. in the mind offcourse and not in the blog

Honestly i grew tired of viewing blogs where people continuously vent there anger on a particular situation, a political party and unknowingly contribute a lot to the collective human ego

lately i have started believeing that as nature doesnt hurry up , doesnt struggle to achieve what it wants still everything just grows and becomes just perfect.

Why we should always suffer / struggle / compete / backbite to achieve something that s not permanant atall

This words of wisdom arent coming from me ( offcourse:) )

My stroy goes like this

I am a engineer found everywhere on the streets of india who did engineering because it has "great scope"-again whatever that meant.

After completion of the graduation i got a good job but some one OUTSIDE me ( neighbours, my dads colleague in the bank whose son got 99.99 % in the CAT, etc etc ) kept on telling me that without MBA i am not geona make it big in life.

I wish i could have told him then and there that big is a realtive term.

big as compared to what ???

I gave a lot of MBA entrance exams and no wonder i failed in all the exams badly.

i was a good student throughout my life and was persued as some scholar in the family.

This myth was broken after i got disgrace to my family repute in all the mba entrance exams

so i decided to just let go of all the expectations and self beliefs good or bad whatever i hold about myself.

i let go 5 to 6 months drifting around, not worrying about the future and just letting go of myself to become what i am capable of...

letting go of myself to become what i am capable of...

Slowly i picked up the office work well and slowly i started enjoying my work

who cares about the mba

right now i am really happy doing my work well

One thing striked me as i created more space in the mind and let that space remain for some time it was NATURALLY filled with good thoughts

so can we say of u can empty up your mind a bit and create some space it ll be slowly filled with goodies

Offcourse !!

who says empty mind is devils house ( direct translation from hindi " khali dimag shaitan ka ghar :) " )

Didnt he know people in zen monarchies spent decades to achieve that state of bliss

So some times just dont think too much abt the future , about who u can become, about the expectations you have from yourself, etc etc

just let go of who you are ... relax ... Breathe ... sit back ... enjoy the journey

Empty mind is just the begining

...